Key Takeaways:
– Not all couples prefer living together, despite societal norms suggesting otherwise.
– The Live Apart Together (LAT) lifestyle allows couples to maintain individual autonomous spaces but remain committed.
– LAT relationships not only uphold the mystery and romance but also promote healthier communication and potentially better intimacy.
– This lifestyle potentially benefits women more than men, especially older women who have had previous relationships.
– Living Apart Together as a lifestyle choice is not a new concept and can be traced back historically.
The decision to live apart while maintaining a committed relationship is a growing trend among couples worldwide, suggests Marin County journalist and author Vicki Larson. While this lifestyle choice may be well-known among celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk, the Live Apart Together (LAT) trend is more widespread than thought. In her new book, “LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Together Relationship Work,” Larson explores the advantages, challenges, and meaning of this lifestyle choice.
The LAT Lifestyle: More Common Than You Think
An estimated 10% of adults around the world choose to live away from their partners. This isn’t out of necessity due to jobs or personal circumstances but rather a choice to maintain their autonomy and add a romantic twist to their relationship. The decision to keep separate households while being married, or in long-term committed relationships, is gaining recognition rapidly in the media, academia, and among the general public.
The wide acceptance of LAT, despite its unconventional approach, challenges the usual notion of cohabitation as paramount to a successful and happy relationship. Larson’s research into LAT couples reveals diverse reasons for their lifestyle choice, such as differing cleanliness standards, design aesthetics, work shifts, and the desire to keep their relationships private.
Benefits of LAT: More Than Just Autonomy
Emphasizing the benefits of this lifestyle, Larson’s research indicates that some couples enjoy a higher level of intimacy and even better sex. The physical separation tilts the scales towards regular and open communication while making each reunion seem novel. She also adds that it’s common to see more benefits for women in their 60s and older in LAT relationships, who prefer autonomy, especially after previous commitments.
While the societal norm still leans towards cohabitation, living separately doesn’t mean the absence of commitment. Larson explains that the flexibility offered by the LAT lifestyle can promote healthier relationships full of love, intimacy, equality, and stability.
Historical Perspective of LAT
Contrary to popular belief, LAT isn’t a new concept. Stephanie Coontz, a marriage historian, has indicated examples of non-cohabiting couples throughout history and across the globe. Among these are the Ashanti men of Ghana and the Minangkabau men of Indonesia, who continue to live with their mothers and sisters even after marriage.
Challenges and Misconceptions of LAT
While there are clear advantages to the LAT lifestyle, it isn’t without its challenges. Trust issues and attachment styles can play a significant role in the success of such arrangements. The couples also face stigma and judgement, as their choices fall outside societal norms of what a romantic relationship “should” look like.
While the financial aspect might seem like a significant hurdle, the benefits of maintaining individual space, better communication, and personal growth make a compelling argument. As more people choose LAT, literature like Larson’s “LATitude” serve to unravel the mystery and provide insight into this alternative lifestyle choice.
In conclusion, the LAT lifestyle represents an increasing shift away from the conventional patterns of cohabitation in romantic relationships. It presents an alternative that allows for autonomy, healthier communication, and potentially stronger relationships. With understanding and acceptance, more people may find this lifestyle suits them better than traditional cohabitation.