Key Takeaways:
– The concept of Live-Apart-Together (LAT) is seen in about 10% of adults worldwide.
– LAT can enhance individual autonomy and maintain a sense of mystery in relationships.
– Women, particularly in their 60s and older, appear to benefit from LAT arrangements as they preserve their independence.
– The LAT trend predates modern society with examples found throughout history.
– Children, privacy, personality, and lifestyle preferences are some of the notable reasons behind LAT arrangements.
– Despite its benefits, LAT comes with its set of challenges and can invite societal judgment.
For many, the traditional concept of an ideal couple centers around cohabitation. However, Marin County journalist and author Vicki Larson has posed an unconventional reality in her new book, “LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Together Relationship Work.” She suggests that living apart can enhance the quality of committed romantic relationships, a notion championed by Hollywood film star Gwyneth Paltrow and significant others worldwide.
Embracing the LAT Lifestyle
This trend sees couples choosing to maintain separate households despite being in long-term committed relationships or even being married. This unconventional arrangement might raise eyebrows and questions about commitment, but Larson counters this skepticism. She endeavors to debunk the notion that cohabitation is a prerequisite for a happy and successful relationship through extensive research and interviews.
A key part of the journey involved defining what constitutes LAT. Sociologists Irene Levin and Jan Trost outlined that a committed couple perceived as such by others, living in separate places, constitutes LAT. However, Larson expanded this definition to include couples living in different sections of the same household, polyamorous relationships, and solo polyamorists.
Reasons for Choosing to Live Apart
The reasons for choosing LAT arrangements are multifarious. They range from personal preferences such as differing levels of cleanliness, design aesthetics, work schedules, and privacy requirements to more complex reasons like keeping same-sex relationships private in areas where such pairings are not accepted or illegal.
Larson reveals that LAT is especially popular with divorced or widowed individuals who seek to maintain their independence. Moreover, some long-standing married couples have adopted the LAT lifestyle to navigate through difficult marital phases without resorting to divorce, often finding that distance has brought them closer.
Potential Benefits of LAT
The fundamental question that LAT poses is: Can romantic relationships flourish without physical cohabitation? The answer, according to Larson, is a resounding yes. She cites numerous studies suggesting that LAT can offer the same commitment, love, intimacy, and stability as traditional relationships.
Proponents argue that LAT stimulates partners to work harder on their relationship, enhancing communication skills and intimate connections. Importantly, women seem to derive more benefits from LAT, gaining much-needed time and space for themselves, which is often lacking in cohabitative arrangements.
Understanding the Stigma against LAT
Despite its clear advantages, LAT does not escape societal stigma, particularly because it deviates from conventional expectations of what romantic relationships “should” look like. Skeptics often view a couple’s decision to live together as a sign of commitment, undermining the credibility of LAT, despite the robust commitment associated with such arrangements.
Challenges and Practical Considerations of LAT
The decision to embrace LAT isn’t entirely straightforward. It requires both partners to be fully committed to the arrangement, and it might prove challenging for individuals prone to jealousy or with an anxious attachment style. However, adherents maintain that the resulting autonomy, independence, and enhanced relationship dynamism more than make up for these potential stumbling blocks.
Conclusion
The rise of the LAT phenomenon has highlighted that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to relationships. What works for one couple may not work for others, and vice versa. As society becomes increasingly diverse, so do our relationship models, as demonstrated by the growing trend of LAT arrangements. This movement underscores that happiness, success, and commitment in relationships can be achieved in myriad ways, far beyond the traditional confines of cohabitation. (Source: Digital Chew)